Venting – raising the future

What has happened to us? All of us? Society as a whole I mean…
I look around at everything that’s happening on the news, twitter, blogs… I read the nasty comments people make about each other, themselves (I’m guilty of this one) and the people they used to care about. I worry for my son, for every child of his generation.

Why do we cheat? If you’re not happy in a relationship rather end it than hurt the other.
Why are we mean? Rather admit your jealousy and find away to laugh about it or compromise.
Why do we put down each other? Aren’t we all made of the same substance?

I saw a comment on a friends blog this morning that was made by her youngest daughter’s father. At some point he must have loved her because they lived together and had a child together. Just because you and your partner end something why is it that the one always has to assert themselves by funneling their insecurities into breaking down the other?

For me I could easily phrase all of this as “why do men” but I’ve come to realise that despite my bias dislike and the ease of saying it’s JUST men because of history and because I myself am on the receiving end of that breakdown that there are women out there who do the same thing to the men they leave.

And my theory? It’s jealousy. Because it is my experience that jealousy and hurt go hand in hand, and how do we deal with hurt? We often try put the blame elsewhere. Some people find it easier to move on, to forgive and forget but there are a few who can not accept even the slightest knick to their fragile ego’s and so go on a self-centered rampage trying to assert their “manliness” by breaking down those who (in their eyes) are the threat.

So to the parents of daughters: you are the hero in your daughters eyes, you are the first man she’ll ever love / the woman who she’ll draw her strength from. But the way you treat each other or let the other treat you plays an important role on the men she will allow herself to be surrounded by when she’s older.

And to the parents of sons: your son learns by your actions more than your words. Hurt your lover and he will grow up thinking that it’s okay.

We complain that abuse and hatred will never end, that it just gets worse, but how can it ever stop or get any better if we raise the future generations thinking that it’s the norm. Yes there are the few who rise up out of those situations, but the wounds leave scars that will never truly fade.

And with writing this post I have just learnt a lot about myself and that I can count myself one of the lucky ones for being able to escape with just a few scars. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to convincingly say that I am okay with them. They have made me who I am, but I am not defined by them.

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