This month has been tough, I won’t lie but there have certainly been times I have just wanted to give up. Like properly. This morning I had the worst zombie moment ever, something that hasn’t happened to me in a while. I vaguely remember dropping fish off at the nanny and when I came to I’d run the entire length of the beach, my pants were wet so obviously I’d been through the waves and the only reason I stopped was cause I pushed so hard I kinda had to vomit.
Despite that the run really did help. The walk back to the car (which was REALLY long) gave me time to think and reassess the situation. I stopped for a while and just sat making a list of all the things I was angry about, all the things that were really getting to me and pulling me down. Then I watched as the waves washed them all away and took my worries with it.
So yeah I’m behind on a whole lot of payments and I’m not yet 100% sure how I’m going to sort out that problem but I’ve decided that being depressed is just too draining and I’m going to look up and push forward. I KNOW I’m not just sitting around waiting for things to fall on my lap so at some point the work I am putting out will be rewarded.
Things will get better… and I might not have all the shiny things that I would like but the things I do have, the friends and family, they are worth so much more in the long run.