A letter to the biodad

Dear Mr A. S. Freeman
12 Fred Ben Place

Where do I begin…

I hated how you thought it okay to see other women when we were together, how you mentally and emotionally abused me and somehow always saw fit to accuse ME of being the cheater.
I hated how you so easily upped and left us here in South Africa while you went to England to happily chase easy british tail.
I hated how you never offered to help financially but were so quick to fly yourself and your then girlfriend down to see a child who has NO idea who you are, and then only saw him twice in the month you spent on holiday here.
I hated that after departing here in August 2011 you have not sent us even an email asking how your son is and that your (ex)3 was the person to wish Fysh a happy birthday this year when you couldn’t even be bothered.
I hated that you are the reason I have the title of singlemom, that you denied Fysh a father.

There are so many reasons for me to absolutely loath you with every fiber of my being, and for a long time I did and I doubt anyone would fault me for that, I’m only human.

But recently I’ve gone through a really tough bout, finanially and emotionally, and have had to do a lot of soul searching to make sure I didn’t fall back into that deep hole you tossed me into. The thinking led me to this blogpost…
As many reasons as I have to loathe you and say yes when friends offer to let their burly friends pay you a “visit” the list of things to thank you for is so much longer.

Thank you for
·The years of abuse, deceit and lies. Even though it has diminished my faith and led me to have no very little faith in men I am aware that I deserve so much better and I will never let that happen again.
· Leaving. Had you not left I would most likely still be under your rule. Or dead.
· Never helping financially, you let me show myself and the world just how strong and capable I am.
· Visiting for his second birthday as I was able to meet and slowly come to like the amazing woman you had tag along.
· For not keeping in contact as your emails are always laced with those hurtful accusations, not hearing from you has given me the strength to realise that it is your loss not ours. Fysh does not need an absent father when he has the love of so many amazing men in our lives.
· Giving me a son; he has shown me the world in a new light, taught me patience and unconditional love.

Thank you for everything.

Your actions have led me to see the courage I never thought I had, the strength I didn’t think myself capable of and the unwaivering love and support from the friends you tried to keep me from. You’ve showed me all the evils life has to offer but the gift you left me with, our son, has been teaching me to see the light. Because as the dearest Albus Dumbledore (yes I’m quoting Harry Potter) said : happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.



6 thoughts on “A letter to the biodad

  1. You are learning early to be grateful for life’s misfortunes, that is a gift not only for the reasons which you have given but also that you will have empathy for other single mothers & abused women (I have walked the same path so I know). It is an honour to be able to give something back when you encounter women who are walking this path. After many many years being single (with a few boyfriends along the way, some good some bad.) I am now married again and with the gift of hindsight have more appreciation for my husband which I may not have had should my life have been different.

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