The A to Z of our roadtrip

A
Amanzimtoti – We dropped Tin Tin off in his home town (yup it’s a real place!) to surprise his folks with a visit. They were as happy as potholes on the highway to see him.
Assholes – Sad truth is that at any given time there are a good few dozen of these on the roads.
Avril – The chop who forced me to wait an hour to get into my own house as he decided to take all my keys with him and not be home when we arrived.
B
Bananas – Natal is banana county and the few hawkers we got to see were stocked to the nines with these dodgy (we all know not to eat these in a crowd) yellow fruits.
Burgers – Steers burgers taste the same no matter where you go! Fysh rudely demanded mine and so was forced to finish the entire thing… It took him 6 hours.
Batteries – These things have the nasty little habit of running out of juice when you need the device they’re in most.
C
Cheese – After 15 or so hours of driving conversation becomes laced with innuendo and cheesy jokes are on a roll, best you can do is add ham and enjoy…
Coke – Am certain their sales sky rocketed the past few days as I polished off a good few litres, yay for them but boo for my big bum.
Catamaran – The make of boat we drove up to survey.
Canon – My camera was an extra appendig this trip, well till the damn battery died anyway.
Crocodiles – Despite all the warnings these were rather aloof, or perhaps they were just shy.
D
Dead dogs – South Africa’s number one roadkill, if this was America we’d have random restaurants all over the place with “roadkill pie” signs up. Gross but probably true.
Diesel – The TaTa is getting 17km to the litre and while this is fantastic it would be even more fantastic if the Diesel prices weren’t the exhuberent totals they are currently.
Delays – So many unexpected little things crop up during the trip that weren’t taken into account. From Fysh needing to fulfill some animal instinct to mark his territory and poop at every single fill station on the East Coast to road works and crappy weather.
E
Empangeni – Our saving grace! We didn’t realise there would be a lack of fuel stations on the highway from Durban to Richards Bay and had it not been for this dodgy little place we’d have ended up twiddling our thumbs waiting embarrassingly for a savior.
East Coast – Home to locals who toss their rubbish out the car and when questioned simply through more out followed by the locals parked in front of them tossing stuff out as well to prove some nonsensical point. This explains the condition of their towns…
F
Fuel – The consumption as well as how much is in the tank, work it out and make damn sure you have enough else you might end up freaking out like us me.
Friends – Old friends, new friends… Roadtrips are full of them.
Fysh – A relatively well behaved breed of toddler who seems to do well on long distance trips.
Floods – The dangerous natural disaster that is washing away roads and bridges in the Eastern Cape.
G
Ganubie – Where we stayed over-night and almost got stuck due to all the floods.
Garmin – A handy little device that even mapped our carbon footprint and aided us when we needed alternative routes (see floods).
Ghost – The Tsitsikamma road has one, not long after the troll bridge. Both Shamus and I saw it, whatever it was.
H
Hiking sheep – According to Shamus sheep love hiking but tire quickly and thus you find them trying to hitchhike alongside the road.
Hobos – Something Richards Bay didn’t seem to have.
Hippo’s – Despite numerous warning signs they seem to have been in hiding. Or they were partying it up with the crocs.
I
Indian Ocean – This Atlantic ocean girl got her very first glimpse (and swim) in the Indian ocean!
Isis – A sleek and shiny stealth 52 highspeed powercat with 2 by 800hp MAN turbo-charged diesels that push her to over 50 knots…
J
Jean-Yves – Our trip sponsor.
Jerseys and Jackets – The main things we neglected to pack in as everyone told us it’s so hot « bah humbug.
K
Knysna – The only place you can get caught speeding twice on the same hill.
King Williams town – We drove through here. I think.
L
Lawnmowers – Watching a guy attempt to mow a large field with a push mower and thinking “he must have pissed someone off…”
Lightning – All 3 nights in Richards Bay the sky was lit up brightly with lightning.
M
Mariners – Where we had dinner and drinks the second night while the staff entertained Fysh (or at least the xbox did).
Monkey’s – The one form of wildlife that wasn’t afraid to come say hello. Or steal food.
Micro Scooter – A life saver of note as Fysh could scoot about at the yachtclub.
Music – We listened to roughly 50 hours worth.
N
Nikolai – My Russian friend whom I haven’t seen since 2004… I finally got my hug :)
Nightblind – I’ve always had somewhat of an issue driving at night but this became severely apparent on the trip. An oncoming light blinds me completely whether dim or bright if there are no street lights around.
O
One thousand eight hundred and sixty eight – The distance from Cape Town to Richards Bay.
Oh shit – The moment you realise your drivers is in mums car.
Ouma – My 83 year old great-grandmother who packed our padkos going up!
P
Pierre – The owner of Isis and the gent who took us to dinner on Sunday as well as lunch on Monday. Also the gent who survived an onslaught of “are you dying” quirps from the Fysh everytime he lit one up.
Porky’s – My favourite spot for sure! Friendly staff who kept Fysh entertained, best pizzas I’ve ever had and (according to Shamus) their eisbein gets a thumbs up.
Potholes – Contrary to popular belief these little buggers are not endangered, in fact they roam freely on the wild coast highway were they seem to be flourishing and increasing their numbers at a rapid rate.
Padkos – It comes in various textures, flavours and temperatures but no roadtrip is whole without it.
Q
Quiet – This only occurs when both the “backseat boys” are asleep.
R
Rainbows – There is sadly no pot of gold at the end of them, there might have been a long time before but it was claimed/stolen many moons ago. Also, double rainbows are not as rare as one might think.
Roadworks – A pesky little necessity that causes some rather frustrating delays.
Richards Bay – Our destination, a quiet little nowhere town.
S
Shamus – Helped keep me awake and shared a few hours of driving. An awesome co-pilot.
Sugar cane – Something Natal is well known for and yet I left without finding even one hawker selling any. Sad and dissapointed Cupcake…
Showers – We had these. Cold.
Strelitzia – Cunningly disguised as banana plants…
Speed bumps – The Transkei needs to learn how to put proper signage up for these, it would seem that someone was taught how to make one and decided to riddle the roads with them.
Sun – Not something we saw very much of.
Squeeking – What my fanbelt did for most of the journey until Ian from Ganubie Mechanics fixed it.
T
Tranquility – The Nose Be 38 foot cat (forerunner to the Admiral 38) that we were sent up to survey (see Jean-Yve).
Tin Tin – Falls asleep 5 minutes into the trip. A bad co-pilot and babysitter.
Toll gates – Lovingly referred to as TROLL gates as they tend to sneak up on you on your journey and demand payment for further passage.
Tiara – Not something you want to step on.
Tunnel – The Worcester tunnel is engineering genius.
U
Umtata – A place to avoid on a Tuesday afternoon as it would appear that this is the designated day for everyone there owning a vehicle to make his/her way onto the main road.
Umbogintwini – A town we passed whos name Shamus insisted is the awesomest ever. (No we have no idea what it means but it sounds pretty cool).
V
Vegetation – Watching it change as you drive through the provinces is fascinating.
Vendors – The rest of the country needs to come and visit the Western Cape and take a book out of our entrpreneurship capabilities as hawkers and vendors appear to be few and far between. And none of them stocked what we wanted… (See sugar cane).
Visibility – Something there is very little of when driving mountain passes in the rain and fog.
W
Wet – What happens when you forget to close the cabin windows during a storm.
Wonderful – Despite the delays, tantrums, stiff muscles and long drive the trip was truly wonderful.
Wild Coast – Where the potholes live (See potholes).
Wally – We found Wally. And his friends.
Western Cape – My home province!
X
Xhosa – Not spoken much once you head up North.
Y
Yacht survey – The reason we had to take this trip.
Yawn – A contagious bugger that makes often appearances
Z
Zululand Yacht Club – A great yacht club in Richards Bay who graciously welcomed us temporary members during our stay in Richards Bay.
Zulu – Actually a very pretty language.

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10 thoughts on “The A to Z of our roadtrip

  1. Zinkwazi, Ixopo, Unzimvubu,Mbashee, Umfolozi, Umgazana,Ginginhlovu… the names are evocotive and enigmatic. All of them probably mean something – the fun is trying to guess what. It was a great trip and this post is certainly a unique way of looking at it. Well done Moggie.

  2. Pingback: A – Z of the Ranger Odyssey | cupcakes and sailors

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