at the end of my rope

 “When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.”

You know how a damn has a flood line and when the waters reach to that line they have to open the sluice gates to letter water out in case the damn walls break? Well my tolerance has reached the level that if those gates aren’t opened really soon I am going to have the meltdown of the century. It will be newspaper worthy, and probably not in a good way.

Things around here have been… well you know how they’ve been because I’ve pretty much told you. But they have gotten to the point where a guy asked me for R20 for himself and his son to go to a shelter today and I burst into tears because I don’t even have that to my name.

I am 24 and what do I have to show for it? Yeah sure, I have accomplished a lot but nothing that actually lets me LIVE. I feel like the bimbo right now – a loafer.

Now wait for it cause I can actually top off the fact that all my debit orders have bounced (payments from clients are due, guess they are also having a hard time) and there is a minus number in my account – Eskom has cut ALL the power to my house. Yup that’s right, no more power at home, none, nada, zilch. BUT this is not at all due to lack of payment on my part (for once) this is because the landlord never registered the house… this same landlord is now telling me it is MY fault and that I was supposed to register his house when I moved in… erm? Really? Because when I asked him where the bills were he told me to let sleeping dogs lie < never trust a landlord.

So welcome to hell, situated smack bang in the middle of a rock and a hard place.

I should simply move right? Leave him to deal with his own mess – well I would absolutely LOVE to but where would I move to? You see dear Mr Landlord has a rather large deposit of mine that I put down and seeing as I can barely scrape through as is there is no way I can move unless he gives me that deposit back. Which he won’t.
I suppose at the end of the day I should just be thankful that if nothing else we at least have a roof over our heads and even though times are tough right now I can say that we’ve managed this far without any help from the biodad. And that right there, that counts for a fuck load.

We’ll get back up on our feet, this is just a bump in the road (albeit a big one) before greater things befall us and we have so much happiness that we don’t know what to do with it all, I have a feeling that things are going to get a LOT better. Well at least I’m hoping they do. Hold thumbs for us just in case though please… for now though I’ll just hold onto that knot…


12 thoughts on “at the end of my rope

  1. Oh dear! You are having a problem with landlords and I am having one with tenants! I am not sure how it works in CT, but in PE then now insist that the municipal bill be in the owners name. It used to be the tenants but not any more. Too many tenants absconding I think, at least this way they have a fixed person to claim from. Not that any of this helps you. I hope that you get it sorted out real soon. Thinking of you!

    • I am so over my landlord, I have been an awesome tenant – been fixing everything myself and paying for things out my own pocket and now he pulls a stunt like this. I really hope that the rules are the same here in CPT as in PE!

  2. Do you have a rental or lease agreement? That should stipulate the deal on getting your deposit back from him. Although it may require having friends in the legal field who could help you out if he doesn’t just pay out.

  3. Hey Corel. Reading your email with tears in my eyes! You are such a great strong person! Im really glad that we are friends with you and Fysh! The muni insists that the account be in the owners name as far I know. There is actually a form you can fill out at the muni as a tenant forcing them to put the lights on until the problem is solved if you have a lease agreement. They are not allowed to cut the lights for the owners account. You will pay a separate reduced rate until the original amount has been settled. Amy used to run Rawson Rentals she knows alot about this.. Please let us know if there is anything we can do.. Stay strongs.. things will turn around.

  4. So sorry you going through this, I’m also battling, had to tell A’s school to change his nappy less times a day because I just can’t afford 5 nappie changes a day! But you are truly inspiring and I really wish the best for you and keep you and Fysh in my prayers every day xxx

    • It’s ridiculous, we’re here struggling our backsides off and then… never mind, I’m sure even those who are in positions given to them have issues. Just so tired of working my behind off for what? nada. gah… and all I want to do is give Fysh a chance at life.
      Hope things come right that side as well, try cloth nappies maybe? used them with Fysh and they really saved my budget.

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