I had to stop taking my meds end last year as with not working full time I simply cannot afford the costs (being sane comes with one hell of a price – a monthly R2000 price tag actually) anymore. It’s tough, hell I think that tough is an understatement. It’s literally like being strapped into a rollercoaster you can’t get off of. There are good days and there are bad days but it’s not just that because when I have them they vary from one extreme to the next.
My moods aren’t fluid. I can be so angry I am in tears one minute and then with the flip of a hat I am ecstatic. It makes life hard and I sit in awe daily of those who put up with me, I really don’t know how they cope seeing as I barely do. Even Fysh has more patience than any 3 year old should have for their parents.
Last week I ended up on a site where I started chatting to a few “like-minded” people who have pretty much managed to sort of “control” their ups and downs with the diet that they are one as well as a certain amount of physical activity.
Every so often I set out on some or other new diet to lose the kg’s that make me want to throw a punch at a mirror every time I walk past or burn every photo I see. Yes my issues run deep, we know this already though. But for the most part I quit.
Last week I made a conscious decision to change things, the way I live and eat and whatnot, not so much for me (well a lot for me) but for those around me because I can’t just think of myself. I’m not on a diet, even though I think most would label it as one and I guess that any strict dietary choice is technically a diet I am not on one. I am on a mission, I have an end goal in mind and it’s a long term one. None of this “I will lose so many kg’s a week” thing.
Today I started the Jump start 7 day detox which is basically just juiced fruit and veg for a week, it’s a real kick up the ass because there is no eating, no snacking. Not even caffeine. I’m going to be cranky for a while me thinks… but this is just the start, when this is over its back to my vegetarian/vegan ways which I only stopped because people always made me feel like it was a hassle to cater for me but I am at the point now where you cater for me or just don’t invite me around.
My health over others convenience.
Aaaaaaaand I started running again last week. Well, walking really fast on the elliptical thingum on which I clock 10km a day – mostly thanks to @tash_wen who has become my own personal cheerleader. It’s really a great feeling being surrounded by people rooting for you.
Here is to this working, to being able to feel the semblance of what normal is and in the long run I guess to losing a few extra kg’s and being healthy again.
If you’re on a diet – best of luck!
If you’ve done the whole diet/exercise instead of pills thing , let me know how it worked/is working out.
And if you’re one of those normal people with a fast metabolism *cough* the stillettomum *cough* then go eat a frigging carrot stick and choke :P