There are some days when it would be easier to just grab the meds and hide behind them, zombie myself out, get numb and not give a damn. Instead I’m feeling. And not happy sunshine and daisy feelings either. Not today. Not last night. Not right now.
Usually it’s easy to pinpoint what the issue is, eradicate it and move on.
But I can’t seem to find the root this time.
I’m feeling rejected, lonely and plain stupid for no reason – things are going okay at the moment, they could most certainly be better but they could also be a bucket load worse. Last night around midnight it hit me square in the chest out of the blue, this feeling of hopelessness, and this feeling of despair. I had a panic attack, completely broke down and ended up falling asleep on the bathroom floor. Why? Fuck I would love to know why…
Something needs to change. I need to change. But what and how.
Don’t mind me. Just getting it all out – in a safe way.