I knew this day would come. I was hoping it would come along a little later than this but then again how can I be so naive when he’s started school, when he’s around other kids… Kids talk and ask questions.
We were walking in checkers yesterday perusing the produce isle when out of the blue Fysh asked me why he doesn’t have a daddy. I have had this conversation planned out in my head since forever, this dialog running through my mind and I knew exactly what I was going to tell him. Until he filled the awkward silence with a “because my daddy is dead hey.”
It was a statement not a question and he skipped on off and asked for a sterri stumpie. I just stood there floored. What do I do or say? How do I broach the subject of a willingly absent parent to a 3 ½ year old? How do I tell him that his daddy is not dead, that he simply left us for another family? That he would rather raise other men’s kids instead of his own? I spent many years hating biodad and it’s taken me a long time to reach this indifference I feel for him now. But that still doesn’t help my situation. I have never stopped him from making contact, he decided that all on his own.
It would be so much easier to agree with his “it’s because he’s dead” statement, it would save time and effort and help with those abandonment issues. But that would make me a liar and he already has a parent who willingly left, walked away from his awesomeness. I won’t stoop to that level. So what am I going to do? I have absolutely no fucking idea. Make damn sure he knows he IS worth being around, love him more than he can stand and hope that he doesn’t bring up the subject again I suppose…