Mama woes

So earlier today Fysh made a promise that tonight he would sleep in his own room…

Right now I’m having those “I’m a horrible mama” feelings as I sit in my room and listen to him sobbing his little heart out about wanting his granny (because obviously I’m satan reincarnate right now) because he’s changed his mind. I feel bad for enforcing it but he made a promise and I’m very stickler about promises. You make them you better be prepared to keep them.

*okay, I’m back*
Had to go clean up vomit because he’d worked himself up into such a frenzy, though between making him get a towel to clean it up (I’m a horrible parent I know), changing clothes and bedding and reminding him he promised he seems to realise I’m not going to give in and there’s silence.

He’ll be four next month and we’ve done the co– sleeping thing since the day I was let out of ICU, I’ve tried occasionally to get him in his own bed; he got a double bunk for his second birthday (which has come in handy for guests) then I thought maybe a smaller bed next to mine would work so he got a toddler bed for his birthday last year which is now on loan to a friend… Let’s just say this mama had been super slack with getting him out her bed.

My main reason is that I feel guilty. Why should I kick him out my bed when it’s just him and I? It’s not like I’m seeing anyone so what’s the point and he’s always slept through the night so it’s not like he sleep deprives me (though his talking and teeth grinding can get annoying). My worry is that I feel like we already struggle to bond and I’m afraid he’ll think I don’t love him cause I won’t let him sleep with me, he already has one parent who doesn’t want him I don’t him to feel like I don’t either. I have issues, I know…

*back again*
He’s lights out and snoring.

I really hope I’ve made the right decision in this and aren’t somehow psychologically scarring him. Fuck, this parenting shit is hard :/

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5 thoughts on “Mama woes

  1. I feel your pain!!! I wrote about my non sleeping toddler today. We do what is best for them (and sometimes us too). We all beat ourselves up but we know in our hearts that it is the right decisions we make in the end. x

  2. Gosh, I though it was just me keeping my kid in my room so long. Ok so he is in his own bed (though I have to put him to sleep in my bed first and then move him) because of the hubby. His room has kind of become the junk room and needs to be painted so a bit of work is required to move him in there. He is turning 4 at the end of this month, gulp, better get a move on.

    • the turning 4 thing was also my major deciding factor!
      it’s not easy… we’re 4 nights in and it’s still a mission but i’m pretty sure it’ll be worth it in the end. just got to stick to it!

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