So I mentioned that the pay at the new job is kak and then I got crapped out because why did I sign the contract if It’s crap and I’m ungrateful.
Let’s get one thing straight: I am NOT ungrateful. Fuck, it’s a JOB! and in this fucking economy those are hard to come by unless you have a degree, hell even with a degree they’re hard to come by lately. I’ve been barely managing doing odd work here and there and I’ve learnt not to answer my phone cause it’s probably the bank…
What people tend to forget is that I am the sole source of income for my little family. I don’t have a husband/boyfriend/baby-daddy who helps out with a second income or even just a helps out in general.
I am it.
The new job means that I have to somehow put Fysh into school full day instead of half day… that means school fees go up almost double. Sometimes I might have to work nightshift which means paying someone to be at the house while he’s asleep and occasionally take him to school in the morning (this on top of the increased school fees) which are extra expenses on top of the already large pile of monthly necessities.
I don’t live a life of luxury, I have perfected the art of making dinner for an entire week for under R100. I have learnt to accept help where I can when it’s offered instead of being a stubborn bitch. But yeah, all that also makes me feel like a fucking failure. Despite being the queen of budget lifestyle the pay check sadly won’t come close to covering monthly costs never mind savings or studies.
So why did I take the job? BECAUSE IT’S A JOB!!!
I highly doubt I’m the only one in this boat, so why I have to justify myself I’m not sure but it’s frustrating as fuck. Working minimum wage and wondering how the fuck I’m going to go get bread for Fysh’s sandwhiches is not where I saw myself, ever. I am smart, no point in being modest, my IQ is higher than average but despite this I got myself knocked up before I could grow up and that’s on me I know. But I am trying my fucking damndest here, I would LOVE to be able to finish my degree but for now I’m stuck accepting kak paying jobs, trust me when I say that if I had the figure I’d even go work as a stripper. At least they get paid well.