I have written and rewritten today’s post a half dozen times and I still don’t really know how to word it properly. My train of thought starts at one point and runs off in a different one. I have so much I need to get out but wording it is proving difficult today, and I think that the biggest reason is that people (myself included) tend to put me in this superhuman category and have ideas that I can do anything. This post is sort of going to rip the cape and mask right off that notion…
I realized yesterday that I need to re-evaluate my definition of my luck. I’ve been so caught up on the shit that I’ve had to put up with the past year and some that I have had blinkers on to the true luck I’ve been blessed with.
How many people do you know who have woken up to a guy next to their bed, gotten up and attacked him and survived? He could’ve shot me… ditto the guys who I caught and beat up in my house before that… ditto the times I’ve been robbed on the street. So maybe I should look up and over the fact that I seem to be a magnet for robbery and concentrate on the luck I have surviving them?
Instead of looking at the fact that my relationship success is dismal I should look at how despite being in abusive relationships I came out stronger. How even though I got stuck a shitty hand with all my depression and what not I can talk about it and have been able to help others because of it.
And the most important thing ever? I am surrounded by those people you only read about. The ones who make life a better place just by being in it; selfless people who help out without expecting anything in return. People who are willing to help out Fysh and I even though they barely know us.
Without them I doubt I’d have made it this far. I’ve got a mom and Oumi who help where they can by watching Fysh when I need it, I have a dad who pays “storage” for his stuff to help with rent and a house mate who could probably move if she wanted to but stays anyway, I’ve had a company help pay Fysh’s school fees because in their words “education is important and he deserves it”, friends who have offered to contribute things to his party just so that he can have one.
*queue the waterworks*
I’ve never blogged about my struggles in hopes for help, I’m not a charitable case. Hell, I’m so fiercely stubborn and independent that most of our help has been handed to me or done behind my back before I could argue no. I blog because way back when my shrink told me I needed to get my thoughts down and seeing as I keep losing notebooks this is the easiest place. People don’t always get it, I’ve been asked why I think all is okay to air my dirty laundry on-line but you know what? I have met so many amazing people through it, people in the same situation or people who just think the same way.
I’ve thanked and baked cupcakes and messaged my gratitude but I’m not really sure any of that really conveys just how much it means to Fysh and I so I thought it’s about time I blogged it. I know people have asked to remain anon so I won’t thank anyone personally but whether you’re one of those who have commented your support on here over the years, tweeted me through the crap times, sms’d me through the good, anonymously deposited a few rands for groceries, helped with school fees or offered to replace my tablet and put no time limit on the repayment I’d like to say thank you, because big or small, you have each played a roll in helping me survive.
You are each the sidekick to my superhero.
I asked once why someone would help us even though they barely know us and her answer was that she was in the same boat once and someone helped her out and what’s the point of it all if you can’t help out someone who needs it. I’d like to think that one day I’ll be at the point in my life where I can help out a stranger just because someone did it for me when I was young and in a rut.