Ever seen those old westerns where they tie the limbs of someone to four different horses then get said equine to run off in different directions? I feel like that’s being done to me today.
I’m having a bad parenting day, not in the sense that Fysh is being difficult but in the sense that it’s my last day at Amazon and I’m feeling that if I didn’t have him I wouldn’t be forced to leave. It’s the first job I’ve been in for a while now and I’ve grown to really love it and all the people here but because Fysh isn’t coping with my hours I’ve had to resign and accept a job with an even lower salary so I can have normal hours.
Bad mom award I know. But this young parent thing is hard and this only parent thing is even harder. It’ll pass and I’ll get over it but right this second I’m just angry at that pink line for showing up in the first place.
It’s probably the worst thing ever to say and I’m pretty sure Fysh will read this one day and be all “wtf mom?!” but I need to vent it out right now. I love you my boy but you really don’t make my life easier. And when you throw tantrums like you did last night telling me you don’t love me… yeah that doesn’t quite help either. I know what society depicts I should feel and I know what I do feel and the guilt that intersects the two is just sucky I tell you.
Well, last day here… I have the weekend to myself so hopefully Fysh will want to spend some time with me tomorrow and we’ll head on over to canal walk to do the monthly shopping (cause I can actually do that this month!) and go watch a movie of his choosing – I’m holding thumbs that will be “Turbo” ;)
And then we hope this new chapter is exactly what my life needs…