So I saw this on FB this morning:
Something I wrote offended someone I don’t know SO deeply, that they actively sought out my email address, mailed me about it last night and told me I was “doing a disservice to new mothers by talking about the difficult parts of parenting” and that I’ll “scare people away from having babies” because I “make it sound hard”.
That said – maybe it’s just my genetics, but every time I get told I’ve offended someone, or someone bitches at me for being honest or having an unpopular opinion, I can hear my Mom and Dad applauding me in my head.
By the way, the thing that offended them? Was me saying this, a while ago… It does not come naturally
So I decided I needed to add my two cents in as well because, well, I just needed to.
Parenting is in no way easy and I think it’s bullshit that so many try make it seem that way.
Maybe it’s easy to you but I sure as eff agree 120% with Cath. It doesn’t come naturally. Fysh is 4 years old now and I still have days where I look at him and I think to myself “shit, I’m someones mother” and yet it doesn’t feel like it at all. I have a need to protect him but because I know it’s what I’m supposed to do, the same way you’re supposed to stand up for your friends. He’s my responsibility but a bond? A feeling that I’d die if he did? I’ve never had that with anyone not even with my parents. In my head people come and go. That’s life.
Just because society has underlined that I need to have this bond with him doesn’t mean I do. If I tell you that you have to be sad about something it doesn’t mean you’re going to be.
Parenting is a daily struggle, it’s not easy though yeah maybe it is to some. But the reality is this: pregnancy is uncomfortable, breastfeeding is painful, there is a chance you won’t bond with your kid immediately, that pnd is highly likely, that help isn’t always there even when offered and that you’ll most likely end up locking yourself in the bathroom or closet sobbing while your kid is in the other room screaming. That’s life, that’s fucking reality lady. I’m sorry that some people feel that parenting should be wrapped up in a pretty polkadot bow and sold off as cake.
No parenting isn’t easy, not in the least. There’s more uphill than view. And I’m sure I’m going to spend the rest of my life feeling like this, I’m going to spend the rest of my life doubting every choice I make and wondering if I’m doing it right. You don’t wake up one day and get handed the answers. Parenting is simply kids bluffing there way through adulthood while trying to raise more kids. But hey, just as with anything in life… the rainbows make the storms worth the while and the views make the climb worth the effort.
So you know what? Whether or not you bond with your kid, or you’re up at midnight doing washing because your kid has just shat himself and projectile vomited all over your bedding, it doesn’t matter that they’ve cut up your favorite blouse or drew pictures all over your car with keys. That stuff, that hard stuff that makes you wonder why the hell you’re doing it all? That stuff fades away the first time that kid smiles up at you or tells you he loves you. It fades when they show you the pretty pictures they drew just for you. Every time they hug you just because or try make you breakfast.
It’s not easy, but even I am willing to admit it’s worth it.