*warning* this is a REALLY long post

So if you’re not up for reading today then give it a skip.

Right, I mentioned yesterday was clinic day…
It sucked as usual but if I take into account what psychiatric sessions and anti psychotics cost then sitting on uncomfortable benches for 4 ½ hours or so once a month isn’t all that bad. And I also told you that I was going to see a specialist along with my usual psychiatrist and they sat there taking notes which always make me feel like a mental patient.
Oh wait, I suppose I am one :/

Anyway… we went through a good interrogation few hundred questions about all sorts of things, divulged deeply into my past (though I was able to stay away from the biodad years as it’s still a touchy subject yet I’m certain that eventually they will somehow succeed in getting me to talk about it). Then the “tests” started. I filled out so many I thought my fingers would cramp up. But the results were slightly comforting and helped me to sort of understand myself a whole lot better. Perhaps in the long run I’ll even come to terms with all that I am because despite what you might deduce, I really haven’t yet.

On of the tests I did was the Myers-Briggs type indicator test, it was a rather interesting one and I think that if you have time you should do the test as well, you might find that the results help you out a little more when it comes to deciphering what you’re all about. Maybe. Not saying it’s the secret to the world or anything.

The purpose of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator personality inventory is to make the theory of psychological types described by C. G. Jung understandable and useful in people’s lives. The essence of the theory is that much seemingly random variation in the behaviour is actually quite orderly and consistent, being due to basic differences in the ways individuals prefer to use their perception and judgment.

“Perception involves all the ways of becoming aware of things, people, happenings, or ideas. Judgment involves all the ways of coming to conclusions about what has been perceived. If people differ systematically in what they perceive and in how they reach conclusions, then it is only reasonable for them to differ correspondingly in their interests, reactions, values, motivations, and skills.”

In developing the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, the aim of Isabel Briggs Myers, and her mother, Katharine Briggs, was to make the insights of type theory accessible to individuals and groups. They addressed the two related goals in the developments and application of the MBTI instrument:

  • The identification of basic preferences of each of the four dichotomies specified or implicit in Jung’s theory.
  • The identification and description of the 16 distinctive personality types that result from the interactions among the preferences.”

My results put me as an INFJ (the explanation is kak long so just click the link if you’re interested in reading it) which they both deemed really interesting as neither have ever met one or had anyone they’ve made do the test result as one. Apparently we make up only 1% of the world’s population. Not sure how I feel about that, already know I’m different and don’t really fit in but the explanation described me almost to a T. (such an odd saying don’t you think… to a T. Doesn’t really make much sense seeing as T is a letter in the alphabet, and not even the prettiest one at that)

So the summary of the interrogation tests by the specialist is: I am an introverted attention deficit hyperactive bipolar aspie with social anxiety and a borderline personality disorder. Say that 5 times fast hahaha ;) My cocktail has changed a little: it’s now 250mg of lamotrigine, 40mg prozac (only up it next month), 2mg risperidone and 30mg ritalin

I always thought that an introvert meant someone who is shy and by the comments from friends such as “hard to believe you are an introvert”, “Not sure about that either!!!” and “Really. I don’t agree with whoever diagnosed you. You are far from an introvert” on an instagram photo I posted yesterday it would seem that not many people know what the medical explanation of it is either. But they (the psych and specialist) made me google it and when I found the actual explanation it was like a light came on and I had one of those “ah ha, well that explains a lot” moments. My momma was also one of those who commented that she doesn’t think I am one so I gave her the explanation to read and she said she’s still not 100% sure but that I would know better than anyone how I feel and it does help her understand certain things about me more.

Definition: Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people. Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to “recharge.”When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective. Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas and concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk. Introverts make up about 60% of the gifted population but only about 25-40% of the general population.

Sorry for all the LONG paragraphs today and the excessively long post but you can’t say I didn’t warn you. I just thought it better to just post all the explanations here than making you click on links (cept for the one explaining INFJ) and some of you might find it interesting.

If you’ve made it this far down the post… thank you! Because in my opinion it means you aren’t one of those narrow minded people who believe “it’s just all in your head” or that things like this are simply bullshit made up by people who are just looking for an excuse that justifies whatever it is they do.

I’ll let you carry on with whatever it was you were busy with before I rambled on and kept you from it. Wishing you an amazing Thursday filled with positivity and good news. Only one more day till the weekend so hang in there.


14 thoughts on “*warning* this is a REALLY long post

  1. The origin that most experts point to, rather cautiously, involves T being the first letter of a word. If this is the case, then tittle is easily the most likely source, since to a tittle was in use in exactly the same sense for nearly a century before to a T appeared (it’s first recorded in a play by Francis Beaumont and John Fletcher of 1607 with the title Woman Hater: “I’ll quote him to a tittle”).
    We know tittle now mostly in the set expression jot or tittle, meaning some very small amount and in which both words refer to a tiny quantity. Jot comes via Latin from Greek iota, the smallest letter of the Greek alphabet, which we also still use to refer to some minuscule amount; tittle is from the same Latin word that has given us title, but has usually been taken to mean a small stroke or mark in writing, notably the dot over the letter i.

  2. Great post, glad you got more info :)

    According to the definition above, I’m most definitely an introvert, and that’s just fine with me :)

  3. Thank you for writing this. I was surprised at the definition of an introvert, But it describes my Best friend as one hes also OCD.
    Im glad you are finally seeing some results from the clinics. The waiting is a bitch but its worth it. I went and priced my meds the other day because they have upped them and added stuff and just the med excluding anything else is R1850 per month and like you said then add all the other drs bills etc its crazy They booked me into see the OT and psychologist as well so I cant imagine how crazy the bills would be for me. I hate the wait but its definitely worth it.

    • one session with the specialist is R2500 for a half hour and my normal psych (when i was still going private) was R900 a half hour so just my session alone are worth over 3k and my meds add up to at least that now as well. so i just suck it up and make sure i have enough food, water and battery life packed in.

  4. Yeah. I’m thinking that I may also be an introvert….
    Yay! for finding out more! Thats usually always
    a good sign that you are recovering. Cause then you
    can find out what to do to help “fix(not really FIX)”
    it. :P

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