Yesterday was the weekly weigh in and cm check and cause it’s Monday I naturally have to blog about it. You’re welcome to close the post or delete the email now if you’d rather not read about my updates. It’s also a really personal and revealing post.
It was my 4th weigh in (technically my 5th but I forgot to take a photo and measurements the day I started so I don’t count from there). Between the 11th and now I have officially lost 5.05kg and 56cm on the “a new weigh” challenge/lifestyle. Which means that since I made the decision on the 7th of January last year to take back control of my weight and life I have officially gotten rid of 20.1kg and 89.5cm’s!
I shared my story on the 12 week challenge whatsapp group and I’ve decided to share it here as well because I vowed to always be honest on here.
I had an eating disorder in std 6/7 because of a stupid comment that a roommate in boarding school made: she was complaining that she was getting fat cause she could see the dimples on her back (which I now know is actually a genetic trait like face dimples) and when I said I don’t have them she snidely remarked “but you’re so much fatter than I am”. Needless to say I’ve had issues ever since and at one point I weighed a mere 48kg’s. Unfortunately with my severe PND I gained an immense amount of weight and I started hating myself, my cutting got worse and I always felt sick when I looked at myself, even when I was in matric and weighed 60kg’s I believed I was disgustingly huge. Plus I’ve always been jealous of my sister because I saw her as absolutely gorgeous and myself as the marshmallow.
Yesterday she brought two bags of clothes most of which was still brand new as she’d sorted out her cupboard and thought I might like one or two things before she got rid of it because most of my clothes don’t fit anymore but I still have 8 weeks left on the challenge so have asked friends and parents to get me vouchers for Mr P for my birthday end April.
We ended up chatting about nothing and everything (which we’ve never really done) and I found out that for the first time in almost 15 years I weigh less than her. Only by 0.5kg’s but still, she actually got up and hugged me. I took some of the things that suited me thinking that a few of them probably won’t fit now but I can at least keep them until they do.
I’ve also realised that I’m very affected by words because after I thanked her and said that now I can go home and sort through some of the stuff that doesn’t fit me anymore both my momma and great gran commented (about an hour apart) on how I shouldn’t do that in case I put the weight back on. It really hurt to hear that even though when I was at one of my besties 26th birthday Saturday evening everyone commented on how really great and even more adult I was looking.
Yesterday I was putting a flipgram together for her (her actual birthday) of us together over the past ten years and I found a photo from 2 years ago and put it together with the photo from that evening…
This morning I chanced putting on a top and jeans from my sister despite knowing that if they didn’t fit I’d be riddled with disappointment and make myself feel bad but instead the tears were those of happiness. They both fit me. And I know that I should be really proud but I’ll admit that I’m still struggling.
On a side note: I FINALLY got to meet my fat to fit 12 week challenge health “coach” woohoo! She lives in East London but was down here for a bit of a reprieve so we made plans to meet up. And she’s as amazing in real life as she is on social media.