Isn’t it wonderfully scary how things change? How WE change?
Had you told me 5 years ago I’d be where I am today I’d have called you a liar. 5 years ago I was pregnant and alone and feeling like a complete failure. 5 years ago I felt like there was absolutely no way I’d survive myself. And even if I have moments like that today still I’m proud when I look back at how far I’ve come.
Father’s day has always been a tough time of year for me, first Shamus was away at sea a lot so we didn’t often get to spend it making him shitty breakfast in bed like we did for momma and of course now it’s a reminder that Fysh has an absent one. This year though I’ve realized that it doesn’t actually bother me as much as it used to though, yes I’m still a bit sad and irked when the lady at spar gives Fysh a #1 dad keychain and tells him to give it to his dad because that always receives the “I don’t have a dad” answer (he knows of him, I have never lied to him but he seems to understand the conceptual difference between dad VS father) and I really don’t like it.
Who’d have thought I’d mature so much in 5 years, that I’d go from an angry hormonal raging pregnant woman who loathed anything to do with anything with a passion that bordered on psychotic to a placid person who can now shrug and say “okay, I can deal with this”.
Don’t get me wrong… I still informed the teacher that there is to be NOTHING coming home that says “to dad” or “happy father’s day”… I might have grown up but there’s still a pouting kid in there somewhere haha.