growing up but still me

Isn’t it wonderfully scary how things change? How WE change?

Had you told me 5 years ago I’d be where I am today I’d have called you a liar. 5 years ago I was pregnant and alone and feeling like a complete failure. 5 years ago I felt like there was absolutely no way I’d survive myself. And even if I have moments like that today still I’m proud when I look back at how far I’ve come.

Father’s day has always been a tough time of year for me, first Shamus was away at sea a lot so we didn’t often get to spend it making him shitty breakfast in bed like we did for momma and of course now it’s a reminder that Fysh has an absent one. This year though I’ve realized that it doesn’t actually bother me as much as it used to though, yes I’m still a bit sad and irked when the lady at spar gives Fysh a #1 dad keychain and tells him to give it to his dad because that always receives the “I don’t have a dad” answer (he knows of him, I have never lied to him but he seems to understand the conceptual difference between dad VS father) and I really don’t like it.

Who’d have thought I’d mature so much in 5 years, that I’d go from an angry hormonal raging pregnant woman who loathed anything to do with anything with a passion that bordered on psychotic to a placid person who can now shrug and say “okay, I can deal with this”.

Don’t get me wrong… I still informed the teacher that there is to be NOTHING coming home that says “to dad” or “happy father’s day”… I might have grown up but there’s still a pouting kid in there somewhere haha.

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4 thoughts on “growing up but still me

  1. You’re so right, but don’t forget that not all ‘dads’ are biological, some dads are special friends or family members that you respect like a father, so if anything does come home you could ask Fysh if he wants to give it to someone special. Xx

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