stubborn chemicals

There are times (like this morning) where I really and truly loathe my “illness” because there are times that it overwhelms me. There are times when I know that I’m over reacting or blowing something out of proportion but no matter what I do I can’t disassociate myself from it. It’s like my brain has a mind of it’s own and though the one half knows it’s being “silly” the other half, the stronger half doesn’t give a shit and refuses to let go. It’s a struggle, it’s a fight. And it’s a daily thing.

This morning I woke up and like usual I lay half asleep and check my messages. I logged onto FB and found a harmless photo but the tagline hit me and that was it, the tears started rolling and all logic went out the window. It was stupid and irrational and I completely blew it out of proportion which of course ended up with a bit of a tiff that had me a blubbering mess avoiding the messages of explanation coming through on my phone. It was stupid and childish and I am calm enough now to see it but there’s that stupid part of me that keeps poking at it and won’t let me just be.

I loathe that my chemicals don’t work right, I know that it’s “acceptable” for girls to be a little “over sensitive” but that’s not me, I’m not simply over sensitive, I wish I was.

The Person deserves a gold star, or something equivalent in the adult world, I am beyond grateful that despite my shortcomings he’s still around, that man is far too patient. I swear we need to clone him, I’d make a fortune renting his clones out to others. But the original… he’s mine for as long as he’ll have me.

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