Yesterday the biodads sister came around to fetch Fysh for sushi. My child LOVES sushi and gifts. She bribed him (I’m his mother, only I’m allowed to bribe him) with both but he refused to go with her. I have no idea why, out of that entire family she’s the only one who’s ever actually cared about him but for some reason yesterday he just decided that no he isn’t going. Hi own person already with his own decisions and wants. I’m raising an independent kid with thoughts of his own.
Her visits generally bring up questions about the bided as I’m sure that despite my asking not to she brings up the family in conversation. I know she didn’t this time as she stayed at us for tea so I was around for this visit (which I’ll admit I was a little happier about after what happened last time).
Let’s note first that I don’t speak badly about that family in front of Fysh, I was angry when he was really little and probably said one or two things back then but since he’s been aware of whats happening around him I’ve more skirted the subject than met it head on until recently when he started asking questions directly of course. I’m honest with him, his “dad” lives in England with his new family and no I don’t know why he doesn’t care about him. I also try word care about him that he’s just busy with his new family and Fysh doesn’t have to worry because there are so many people who love him too much.
Last night out of nowhere he said “I wish my dad would die” of course on the inside a part of me agrees but I can’t voice that so I asked him why and his response was that he’s ugly and mean and doesn’t care so he must die. My heart ached for this little boy. No one should ever feel that way about someone that had something to do with their creation and here this almost 6 year old wishes him dead. That’s heart breaking. I explained to him that we shouldn’t wish people dead even if they’re mean to us. That he’s just got a new family and that I don’t really know why he doesn’t make an effort. I asked Fysh if he’d maybe like to meet him one day and he said no. I explained that if he meets him he can talk to him and ask him questions but he said he would ignore him and not talk to him.
It’s a really hard situation to be thrown into. But it’s also one that makes me appreciate The Person and the rest of my family so much more. He loves The Person and I think The Person is still a little touch and go about the subject of being seen as a dad but he loves Fysh right back. He’s taken on the roll even though he won’t up to it and he’s done so with grace. It takes a really strong man to walk up to a table and pick up what another man threw away. I am beyond blessed that that soul is one that’s around my son to help raise him because we’re raising an amazing soul and I’m glad he has him to look up to.
As for the biodad. I really don’t know. I’m in two minds about him I really am. I don’t think I’m really mad at him anymore I’m just hurt but at the same time I am glad he’s not in our lives because my son doesn’t need the influence of someone who so easily walked out of his life. Also he doesn’t contribute a cent or emotional dime so he really has no say in any of it. Will I let him meet his son. In my presence yes. When Fysh is ready and if yesterday was any indication then I know he’ll tell me himself when he’s ready. That’s if he ever shows any interest anyway.
I know I’m not the only one in this situation and my thoughts are with all those who are in it as well. We’ll get through this and our kids will survive it we just have to “love you too much” as Fysh says.